What to do when someone dies at home: the first hours

When someone you love dies at home, the moments afterward can feel strange and quiet, or they can feel rushed and confusing. If the death was expected, there is usually no emergency. You do not have to do everything at once, and you do not have to know every step before you begin.

Many families find it helps to pause for a few minutes. Sit with the person. Open a window, turn down the lights, or simply hold their hand. These first minutes belong to you and your family, and taking them is not doing anything wrong.

If the person was enrolled in hospice, the call to make is to the hospice agency, not 911. Hospice teams have a phone line that is answered around the clock, and the number is usually in the care folder or on the fridge. Tell them your loved one has died, and they will guide you from there.

In most cases a hospice nurse will come to the home to confirm the death, note the time, and handle hospice-related tasks. Rules about who can formally pronounce a death and how the paperwork is handled vary by state, so let the hospice team lead on those details. They can also help you contact the funeral home when you are ready.

If the death was unexpected, or if the person was not under hospice or another medical team's care, call 911. Emergency responders will come to the home, and depending on your state and the situation, the police or a medical examiner or coroner may also be involved. This is a routine part of how deaths outside medical care are handled, and it does not mean anyone is suspected of anything.

If your loved one had a signed do-not-resuscitate order or a POLST-type form (names differ by state), keep it somewhere easy to find, such as near the bed or on the fridge, and show it to responders. Your doctor or hospice team can explain how these forms work where you live.

After an expected death, families are often surprised to learn they can take time before the funeral home comes. Many people spend a few hours with their loved one, invite relatives to come say goodbye, or sit together and share stories. How long is practical depends on the setting and on your funeral home, so ask them what works.

Some families wash and dress their loved one, brush their hair, or place a favorite blanket or flowers nearby. Others prefer to leave this to the funeral home. Either choice is fine. If you want to care for the body at home for longer, the home funerals guide on this site explains more, and the rules for that vary by state.

When you are ready, call the funeral home or cremation provider you have chosen. If you have not chosen one yet, it is okay to take some time and compare options. You have the right to ask for prices before agreeing to anything. The funeral home will arrange to bring your loved one into their care and will usually help start the death certificate.

Next, think about who needs to hear the news personally, such as close family, close friends, and perhaps a faith leader. It can help to ask one trusted person to make some of these calls for you. You do not need to tell everyone today.

A few things can wait, but some are worth doing early. Keep important papers together, including any will, advance directive, insurance policies, and the person's ID. If there are pets, make sure someone is feeding and caring for them. Secure the home if it will be empty, and keep any medications in a safe place until your hospice team tells you how to dispose of them.

In the coming days you will likely need several certified copies of the death certificate for banks, insurers, and government agencies. Your funeral director can usually order them for you. Questions about the estate, debts, or property are best taken to a lawyer, since the rules differ from state to state.

An end-of-life doula can be a calm, steady presence in these hours. Many doulas help families plan ahead for what the moment after death will look like, so no one is caught off guard. They may sit with you, help with simple after-death care rituals, or keep the room peaceful while you make calls. Doulas are not medical providers, and they work alongside hospice rather than in place of it.

Grief does not wait for the paperwork to be done. You may feel numb, relieved, exhausted, or all of these at once. Eat something, drink water, and accept help when it is offered. Hospice programs usually offer bereavement support to families for a period after a death, so ask your hospice team what is available to you.

There is no perfect way to get through the first hours. Doing them with love, and at your own pace, is enough.