Honoring a loved one on Day of the Dead and All Souls' Day

For many families, the first days of November carry a special weight. Two traditions that fall at the same time, Día de Muertos (the Day of the Dead) and the Christian feasts of All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, set aside time to remember people who have died.

If you are grieving, these days can bring comfort, sadness, or both at once. If someone you love is near the end of life right now, the season may feel especially close to home. This guide offers gentle, practical ways to honor a loved one, whatever your background, and to look after yourself while you do.

Día de Muertos is a holiday most closely associated with Mexico, and it is also observed in other parts of Latin America and in the United States. It takes place on November 1 and 2, the same days as All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day.

Many families build an altar, called an ofrenda, at home. It often holds photos of the person who died, candles, flowers and food. Families may also visit and decorate graves with candles, marigolds and the favorite foods of relatives who have died. Breads and candies shaped like skulls and skeletons are a familiar part of the season.

Customs differ from family to family and region to region. The heart of it is the same: the dead are remembered with warmth, stories and the things they loved, not only with sorrow.

In the Catholic tradition, All Saints' Day falls on November 1 and All Souls' Day on November 2. All Souls' Day is set aside for prayer and remembrance of all who have died. Many churches hold special Masses, and many people visit and sometimes decorate the graves of loved ones.

Practices vary by church and community. If faith is part of your family's life, your parish, congregation or hospice chaplain can tell you what is offered nearby and help you find a way to mark the day that feels right.

You do not need anything elaborate. A small table, a shelf or a windowsill can become a place of remembrance. Add a photo, a candle, a flower and one or two objects that bring the person to mind: a favorite mug, a well-worn cap, a recipe card in their handwriting.

Food is a natural way to remember. Cook their favorite dish, play the music they loved, or gather people to share stories over a meal. Some families write short notes to the person and leave them by the photo, or read old letters aloud.

If you light candles, keep them away from curtains, children and pets, and never leave them burning unattended. A battery candle gives the same soft glow with less worry.

You may be drawn to the beauty of an ofrenda even if your family does not come from a culture that keeps Día de Muertos. Approach it with respect. Learn about its meaning from people and sources within the tradition, attend a community event if you are welcomed, and focus on remembering your own person rather than copying symbols you do not understand.

Every culture and faith has its own ways of honoring the dead, from lighting a memorial candle on an anniversary to visiting a grave on a special day. You might also look to your own family's history for a ritual that fits. What matters most is that it feels true to the person you are remembering.

Children often find comfort in doing something with their hands. They can choose a photo, draw a picture, help bake, or pick a flower for the remembrance table. Simple, honest words help: explain that this is a way of remembering someone who died and that it is okay to feel happy, sad, or both.

Let children take part at their own pace. If they would rather watch, or ask the same questions again, that is normal. Our guide on how to talk to children about a dying family member has more ideas for these conversations.

If someone died recently, the first holiday season can be hard. Give yourself permission to do less, to change old routines, or to step away from gatherings when you need to. Grief does not follow a calendar, and there is no right way to mark these days.

If your loved one is dying now, they may enjoy hearing family stories, seeing old photos, or helping plan how they would like to be remembered. An end-of-life doula can help you gather these memories, plan a meaningful vigil, and honor your family's faith and cultural practices. Your hospice team, including the chaplain and social worker, can also offer support and bereavement resources.

If grief is making it hard to get through the day, please reach out to your doctor, your hospice bereavement team or a grief counselor. You do not have to carry this alone.